Sometimes I feel like my meaning in life as a mom consists of cleaning the same rooms three times a day, "hog-tie"ing my daughter to the shopping cart in WalMart, reading the same page in the same book only to have Caity flip to the back of the book and ask me to start over. Sometimes it seems like I spend an hour on a meal only to have it strewn on the floor and devoured in less than five minutes, or I spend all afternoon stragically decorating our walls with pictures only to be accompanied by scribbles and stickers. Sometimes the purpose of being a mother feels monotonous and pointless.
Today I can't help but feel grateful for the blessings of being a mother. Among the distractions of a daily routine I know my purpose as a mother is divine. I know I hold a sacred duty to love and nurture. The moment I held Caity in my arms I knew what unconditional love truly is. For the first time in my life I really loved someone more than myself...I knew I would give anything for her. I knew she was a daughter of God and I didn't know what I did to recieve something so special.
Being a mother is feeling so incapable and then discovering extra strength deep down that you know was only provided by your Father in Heaven. It's sacrifice and selfishness, it's heartbreak and joy, its frustration and laughter. Being a mother is a journey to a higher ground and understanding of God's love.
So often I wish I was perfect -I wish I could give Caity everything.
I will forever be grateful for our "moments" together; when time seems to stop and she looks up at me. Something passes between us and I know she loves me and she knows I love her. I capture those moments in my mind forever.
Those moments I feel a connection to my own mom. I wonder if there are memories like these in her own mind. I wonder the love she felt for me. I think about the sacrifices she made for my happiness.
My mom is perfect. She is literally the most perfect woman I have ever met. The older I get and the longer I am a mom the more I understand the vastness of her love and dedication to my happiness. From sewing the sleeves on a homecoming dress minutes before my date arrived to staying up til 2 in the morning hearing every detail. From encouraging me to expand my talents and being the number one fan when I take her advice. There are moments upon moments I will always cherish, when I knew my mom was the woman I could become if I tried hard enough. She is my best friend and biggest example. I hope I can live up to the legacy she has left me. I love you, Mom.