Sunday, February 6, 2011

The worst of times make the best of times

I don't even know where to start. I can't beleive it was only two weeks ago I was waddling with a swollen belly awaiting the arrival of the little man. It feels like years. Though friends still tell me he looks like a fresh newborn, I can't help but think how much the little guy has grown. And though friends tell me how big Caity is getting I can't help but think how little and precious she is.
These last few weeks have been full of so many mini obstacles and trials, emotional days, painful days, hormonally snappy to my family days, sleep deprived days, messy house-dirty hair-everyone in pajamas watching movies all day- days...Days where I have wondered where God was, if he was listening to me. Days where I wondered if I had what it took to be a mother. Days I found myself questioning if I had enough faith. And dare I go into the nights? As Johnny's arrival drew closer, I felt prepared to meet the challenges I had when Caity was born, but of course a new set of weaknesses have surfaced with the new delivery, and a new set of frustrations and well...I guess new self-discovery.
Although I felt challenged in a way I hope to never be again, and would never relive some of the moments of the last few days; I couldn't be more grateful.
On those days of unexplainable, uncontrollable emotion
I am so grateful
for my husband's hugs. Sometimes just being held
makes everything better.
On the days of snapping at my family
I am so grateful
for Caity laughing at me...even if it did make more upset
at the time.
I am grateful when I told her to leave me alone and to go away she would counter in a very serious voice, "No, Mommy....Taity wants to cuddle. Mommy wants Hugs."
I am grateful
for the days when I questioned if God cared
for a little boy that looked at me with heaven's eyes
and told me, "Yes, he is listening."
I am grateful for this new addition.
He has been our little breath of heaven.
Although everything seems it should add up to a terrible week, I just can't help but be so happy. Why? Because this is where I am supposed to be. I know that. I am so happy to be a mother. I am so happy to be a wife. There are some things I have gained a greater testamony of these last two weeks. First, marriage is between a husband and wife, it is eternal and real. We are here for a reason, I know the plan of salvation is the plan of happiness and joy. I know the priesthood is a real authority to act in God's name. I am so grateful my husband has the priesthood. I know God answers prayers, sometimes when we are in the heat of the moment it is hard to see, but I am so grateful for His timing and trusting me to endure through trials so I can be better. I know families are forever and I am so grateful for mine. They are my joy. I know the scriptures are the words of God and that through reading them our faith can grow. Christ lives. He is my Savior. I know the atonement is real. I hope I can be the mother these little angels need. I hope I can be half the mother I had. What a wonderful time to be alive! I know as we follow God's council and the promptings of the spirit we can find true happiness. I know God is our Father. I am so happy to know these things.
I am so happy:
to be in love
to have a little girl who's laugh makes me laugh
a little boy who snuggles into my neck when he is ready to sleep
that I married my best friend...and better yet, that he is so cute!
I am just so happy dreams really do come true.


Ron, Erin and Elizabeth said...

Mary I just love you =) Your just what I needed to write about. Thank you for your words and Thanks for being real. Your such a beautiful person and an amazing mother I really wish we still lived close =)

Ron, Erin and Elizabeth said...

I mean read about not write about

Heidi's Heartland said...

Wonderfully said Mary, there is something a beautiful about growing up and growing older. The wisdom that we have to look back and seethe hand of God in our lives.

Laura said...

Well, you've come to realize what it took me months to understand, and I still don't feel like I've made it to the peace and confident point that you've made it to. The adjustment to two has been really difficult for me. I'm grateful to know that it's normal. Thank goodness for a loving Heavenly Father, right?

Kayleen said...

you're an amazing writer Mary! What a sweet post. I think you're handling being a mommy of two with class and safistication. I'm so glad to have your example.

Kristin said...

Amen, amen, amen!

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