Happy 15 years To Us!

15 years? That is really hard to wrap my head around. Something about today thins time a little, and I can remember so vividly how warm it felt when I hugged John in his crisp black tuxedo, and I even more; I feel the fresh anticipation from that day of the life we would share together from that day forward. 

I knew John was someone who I wanted by my side through the mountains and valleys of life, but I don’t know if I could have predicted how hard and exhausting some of those valleys would be—and yet: John HAS stayed by my side and I can’t think of the pain and hard times without also thinking of our love for each other, our friendship, and how much our faith grew as we walked through together. The view I remember from life’s mountains are accompanied by John’s face because the joy of the peak can’t be separated from the joy I feel sharing it with him. I can’t separate him from any good thing in my life the last fifteen years and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Every single morning I wake up and can’t wait to look over and see John there next to me, and I know we get another day together, and say a “thank you” in my heart. It a ritual that has superseded the bad days, annoyed days, hormonal days, lonely days—I know that every morning I can feel gratitude that he is there with me.

We’ve had quite the year!!

Our third child, William was baptized!

He helped me with the Primary and PTO trunk or treat, and We dressed up for Halloween. (15 years later you still close your eyes!)

We cut down a Christmas tree

We went skiiing!

We watched our daughter play basketball…We watched so so many sporting events this year!

We went camping and caving!

AND we bought a house!! 

AND we became pregnant with baby number 5!

Excited to see what the next year holds!

Tennis in Jacksonville

 Last night felt particularly lovely. 

We dropped Cate and Johnny off to a Halloween party and took the younger two to a little park in Jacksonville. John and I have been wanting to play tennis for quite a while now. So while William and Matthew reacquainted themselves with the playground apparatus (it's been since March), John and I volleyed tennis balls back and forth. The chill in the air, the sun setting over the mountains, the vibrant fall colors at twilight: it was a feeling I want to bottle up to taste again on another day.

It was an evening where everyone seemed to get along so well, and we were all feeling happy. After we picked up the big kids we went home and Johnny made cookies while we watched a movie together. It was such a good night.

First Day of School 2020

Today was a happy day. There was so much preparation, worry, anticipation, and uncertainty of how school would look and feel this year. I feel so grateful everything went so smoothly. I have a lot of hope for the coming weeks of online learning, also a some dread if I'm making sure to acknowledge the expected breakdowns from this afternoon...but I think we have a good handle on what is coming.

Cate: 6th, Johnny: 4th, Matthew: Pre-K, Wills: 1st

I woke up this morning and squeezed in a quick yoga routine before I woke up the kids. We got to our morning meeting in good time and were able to start the day reading scriptures and talking about how crucial it is to recognize the signs of Heavenly Father.

We had breakfast and then quickly the kids headed out the door to walk around the block back to school. Haha! They divided into their separate rooms and logged into their zooms. It was a busy five minutes getting everyone settled, and then it was a peaceful excitement. 

(we had to try a couple different spots for William!)

Caity excited after her zoom

William not excited after the zoom.

I walked down my hall feeling so grateful to have all my kids home. So many years I walk away from student drop off and feel loss realizing I won't see them for hours. There wasn't that separation from them this year, and it was so fun to witness their first day in real time.  I am likely in the honey moon stage of homeschooling. 

It was funny, I worked so hard to get the three oldest settled, I completely forgot I'd have to keep a preschooler busy during this as well! I closed the last bedroom door quietly only to turn around to Matthew looking at me expectantly, "OK, what about me now!?" Luckily, his Aunt Kristen had sent me the curriculum she was doing with Maria, so we were able to dive in to the letter A! Matthew and I read a couple books, then continued helping all the kids while he played with blocks. 

Everything just.went.well. 

William and Caity had longer zoom meetings than Johnny and they got a little burnt out, but stuck it through until the end of the day. One of my highlights was John coming for lunch.

 After school, we invited some friends over for cookies. It was so nice and needed to unwind with other moms while the kids connected with real humans (as opposed to computer screens.) 

Then we got to end the night having cake and ice-cream at the Rice's for Mckay's birthday!  The kids played night games past their bed time.

There will not be school tomorrow, due to wildfires in Medford. I am trying to not to over-react or freak out, but it is nerve-wracking watching neighbors evacuate as we follow the Jackson County recommendations. So far no homes have caught fire, so I am hoping we wake up to good news tomorrow. John is out now helping a friend prep his farm in case the fires come his way. Caity just came in and said, "My thought about the fires, is what Rachel Lynn would say 'Trust in Providence'" Goodness, I love her!

In other news, Happy 13 years to John and me!! We didn't get to do much celebrating today, but we got to do a bunch of living. I am grateful for him and the life we share. Even though John didn't have time to pick up the flowers he planned to, and I didn't get to write out my very favorite thirteen memories of the last thirteen years; it's not lost on me that newlywed John and Mary would be so pleased and excited if they got a glimpse of our what are lives looked like today. There is something satisfying and joyful about living the life you always dreamed with your soulmate.

Hikes, School Supplies, & Drives

To be quite honest, I am in a bit of an emotional slump.
It's not that I'm not happy, because when I think about it logically, I most definitely am. I imagine there are nerves at play in my mind as the new school year approaches, and I overthink how long this Covid-19 business has gone on and will go on. Perhaps all the ups and downs stock pile and neutralize my heart so it feels a little emotion-dead.  And yet, like an emotional defibrillator there are experiences throughout my day shocking the numbness, helping me feel what is "real" around me.

This morning John and I shook all our kids out of bed (except Johnny, the early riser) to go on a family hike. It was crisp air and lush scenery. Leaves were already turning color, and they displayed quite the sunset under our feet. I held Matthew's hand as we tried to outrun the others. Caity kept William motivated with her magical sister ways I can only admire. At the top of the trail, Johnny, John and I sat overlooking the beautiful valley and my heart felt content. The sun hit the hills of trees in a way I don't experience in our evening hikes, and it was like seeing the view for the first time. I didn't have words, so I just gave John's hand an extra squeeze.

I took the kids shopping for school supplies this afternoon. It makes me smile now, remembering the chaos. Hopefully this indicates it wasn't quite as bad as it felt in the moment. I optimistically brought masked, hungry children into a busy store. If they weren't overwhelmed between which composition notebook to choose, they were arguing over who got to push the cart (even though Mom reminded them multiple times, only Mom pushes the cart.) Even on the craziest of outings, those kids make for a good time. It is with great pride Johnny will show you his shark folder, and William his red notebook. There is something about new school supplies that feels like a field of sunflowers for me. I drove a van full of happy campers home from Walmart, that's for sure.

John and I snuck away to pick up a gutter for some camper re-construction project. We drove through those old country roads that bring me life. Grapes were ripening on vines, farmers were bailing hay, "hemp" was growing up in rows, and John was trying to sell me on a country song playing on the radio. I love making John laugh and I got a couple good chuckles out of him today. When I'm driving with John I don't have to worry about anything, I just feel like myself. Laughing together with the wind rushing through my fingers grounded me in a very happy and infinite memory.

In time I will feel like myself again. For now, I will ride this out collecting those sweet moments that remind me that I am still very much alive, valued, and yes; happy.

They looooove their dog! Hahaha!

Fiesta and Spiderman

This weekend was one for the books!

Friday night John and I went on a little date. We’re still new to Medford, and for dinner, we felt like something predictable. However, after finding out it was an hour wait for Olive Garden we said, “Aw heck with it, let’s try something new.” So we drove around Medford, and landed on Fiesta Mexico. We let the waiter choose for us, and it was seriously delicious. I crave Friday night dates all week, and by Friday afternoon, you can’t wipe the smile off my face.  As always, it was just nice to reconnect and laugh, and dissect topics together. It’s cheesy, it’s cliché- but seriously, John is my very best friend. I really enjoy his company.  We got home and put kids to bed and ate Johnny’s leftover birthday cake. Just a great Friday night.

Saturday John took the reigns and we headed to Emigrant Lake to go rock climbing! I don’t think we have gone since we left Rexburg, Idaho. We were all a little rusty. The views were beautiful. The kids explored and conquered a new-to-them world. On the other side of the cliff were rolling hills of pasture fields with cows grazing. The air, the moo’s in the background, the light breeze, the sun reflecting on the water? Just what the doctor ordered.

William went first, and then my phone died, so he is the only one we have pictures of. :) 

 It was pretty tricky teaching them to trust John, who was belaying, and to lean completely back to repel back down the boulder. They were terrified. We kept saying, "Be like spider-man!" At one point William said, "I don't even like Spiderman!" We would promise them they wouldn’t get hurt, and then somehow every single one of them did, haha! Not terrible, just enough that I may win the “We should have them wear helmets” argument next time, haha. We made a lot of progress and it was a great family outing. I got to lay up top and the kids would make eye contact with me while they repelled down the rock. It was really sweet looking at their faces as they overcame their fears.

You can't tell that he's standing on a ledge, it was actually quite a ways up for his little five year old body!

Now- in true transparency I was tiiiired on this trip. I don’t know what was up, but as soon as I got to the place we were climbing, I laid down and totally fell asleep. Ha! But so you all don’t think I’m too pathetic here, John taught be how to belay myself, which I did somewhat decently, may I add. We got to the car just in time to head home before dark. Everyone was starving and suddenly the bananas everyone thought was disgusting on our way out, looked mighty appetizing after hours of play. We stopped by Costco on the way home for a pizza, and called it a night.

Sunday was church with all its goodness (including a double meltdown on the way to primary class, whoohoo!) Then it was spending the day together. Just an overall, grateful to be alive kind of weekend.

Best Date Ever

Last night, my sister came over and watched the kids so John and I could go on a motorcycle ride through Yellowstone. Well, we ended up not leaving until later than planned so we nixed Yellowstone and decided to just see where that motocycle took us!  

It was seriously the best. 

The weather was perfect when we left.  On both sides of the highway was the most breath taking foilage. There were feilds full of bailed hay and colored brush surrounding little creeks. The golden fall sun was out shining and we had a perfect view of the Tetons in the distance.

We started driving toward Ashton and stopped by the cutest Lavendar farm. We had so much fun exploring and talking to the owner. 

Next we drove to Funny Farm Bridge. It is the first bridge either of had ever jumped off of in Rexburg, and the first bridge we went bridge jumping together on. We climbed to the top railing and held hands, well, kind of.... I was too scared to actually sit on the top railing, so I just kind reached over while I clung to the beam I was climbing and we took in the scenery and laughed about how old and cautious we (I) have become. 

Our next stop was just past Ashton off of Henry's Fork where John proposed to me all those years ago.  It was about the same time of day as then and the setting sun cast such a beautiful light on the river and our special spot.  We hiked around trying to remember exact moments and laughed as we reminisced about various disasters and successes and what we were each thinking. It really just felt a lot like that moment.  I'll always be grateful to twenty year old Mary for saying yes to that boy!  

Our last destination was Frost Stop in Ashton for old fashion burgers, fries, and fresh rootbeer.  

We drove home home in the dark and there was something so calming and relaxing as we made our way back home, watching the Rexburg Temple glow closer and closer as I held on to John. 

We made a quick stop by the Hellmann's and while we talked I looked over at John and got a stomach full of butterflies- he is just so handsome and wonderful and more so than I could have ever imagined!  He makes me so happy and last night it kind of felt like we were newly dating/engaged/wed/etc...I don't know, we were both just so giddy and happy to be together....sometimes it seems like those stomach-doing-backflips-feelings have faded for something more serious, and though I think our relationship has a better depth than it did back then, it is nice knowing the excitement is still there when I take a moment to pay attention.

 Life is pretty amazing. There are hard things you go through together and they only seem enhance the wonderful things. I am just so happy to be married to John.  And I know it's the last thing you all want to read about, but I just wanted to remember everything about my perfect night with that guy.

We for REAL stink at selfies. The first was my favorite, and the bottom was John's so I just figured I include them both and this middle one because we seriously couldn't stop laughing and there are about 20 of us just laughing. (Yes, we took that many. We really stink at selfies.)

This is the view I remember when John was on one knee.  I was sitting on the rock he is standing on in this picture, and he was kneeling in the water. So romantic.

John looking for a rock to bring home!

And for the heck of it,let's go back to July 12, 2007... here's a picture of some pictures from when he proposed:

Awkward selfies since 2007! haha

At Frost Top in Ashton.

John- thanks for the date and thanks for reading my blog and thanks for being so easy to fall in love with in new ways every day. And also thanks for loving me when it isn't so easy, ahem...laundry day....