Good Outweighs the Bad

Man. Yesterday.

If I were to make a list of things that did not go well, and a list of things that did go well; the list of "not so well" would far outweigh the positive moments in number. What is interesting to note, however; is the significantly larger impact of the good moments. This is despite being the overwhelmed underdog in frequency. Yesterday felt like walking through a swamp. Covered in pokey blackberry bushes. In 100 degrees. With incessant whining the entire journey. Between power struggles, to forgetting car pool, to kids not following very important directions, to making a u-turn on the way to a playdate because some attitudes needed to be addressed, to being an hour late to preschool, to having to clean the house over and over and over again and it still looking messy, to not having healthy food and everyone snacking on processed junk and complaining to be hungry all day, to...well you get the idea. It was a day that I was emotionally quite spent and crawling through.

The miracle happens here in the word "despite." Despite that long list of grievances (and my accompanying attitude), I found myself deeply grateful for very treasured moments sprinkled through out the day. The evolution of memories is an interesting thing, and already in natural selection, though my yesterday was conflicted; I feel my life is more clearly defined by the good, and that is what I am carrying with me.

So, without further adieu, yesterday's highlights: 

John woke the boys up to go pheasant hunting. They experienced quite an adventure, and I love getting pictures like this, seeing all my boys together. Isn't it gorgeous?

Meanwhile, Cate and I finished the last Harry Potter movie! We made some Hot Cocoa, and escaped to the Wizarding World for the morning....some things are worth a tardy at a zoom meeting, and watching the defeat of Voldemort is one of those things.

Cate and Johnny got to play basketball with neighbor kids.

I got a my last two Halloween books in the mail yesterday. I snuggled on William's bed after his nap, and got to read the books with him and Matthew. (William is in the BEST mood after he naps.)

I colored with Johnny and Matthew this afternoon at the table.

Cate and I practiced using Royal Icing. I'm lousy at it, but Cate got the hang of it pretty quickly!

Though dinner was about two hours late, I got it done and we were able to sit down as a family and eat at 7:30 PM.  While I cooked, Johnny read me Tale of Desperaux, William colored and Matthew played with Rosco outside my kitchen window. (Cate was hiking with the church youth group.)

Another angle as we waited for dinner to finish cooking.

Spiderman and Black Panther seriously made me laugh so hard today.

Also: William labeled his Pokemon Collection and his little writing makes me so, so happy.

Family dinner went well as everyone talked about their day. Caity's best moment was Harry Potter, Johnny's was hunting and reading outloud to me, William's was reading in bed with me and hunting with dad, Matthew's was also hunting and then coloring with Mom.

So, I suppose I wasn't failing so much as it felt like I was as it played out in real time. 

Snapshot 10/2/20

Life feels normal now. A routine is in place, and we seem to be flowing well over here at Brassell House. I thought I would jot down few things about each of us in this moment.

Cate:

• When school started, it was quite an adjustment period listening to her teacher lecture over zoom for 5 hours. The schedule wasn't always consistent, which also made some parts of the day seem really long. She seems to be adjusted to the pace at this point, and is enjoying the challenge her school work gives her.
• Yesterday she got together with her friend, Hadyn, and his brother toplay basketball against her and Johnny. She was one happy girl. She has been missing sports. Not only are extra curricular activities limited, but she obviously isn't playing sports at recess either. Playing was such a highlight and they plan on playing basketball every day at lunch!
• She got to play with Roan, Elise and Grace this afternoon, she came home beaming. They haven't seen each other since March. They are all in the same class and they set up a chat in google docs and it is the cutest thing.
• During class, her teacher goes over every problem on the homework. Sometimes she gets 100% ,and instead of just zoning out, I will sit next to her and we will turn on The Home Edit and she will watch it over my shoulder.
• She had to invent an airplane and then make a commercial about it. She made a Phoenix, and enlisted her brothers to act in her skit. It was so darling. 
• When Cate grows up, she wants to be a music teacher.

Johnny

• He is typically done with school by 11:00 AM every day. He has been so responsible and on top of things this year! I believe he is motivated by getting done so he can play Legos.
• Speaking of which, he plays Legos with our neighbor, McKay for hours at a time. It kills him a little bit inside when I ask him to put away his creations to clean his room.
• Johnny is pretty happy every day. He gets his jobs done quickly, and is excited by what we are having for breakfast, lunch, or dinner every single time. He makes it a point to thank me for every little thing he notices I do that helps him.
• He has been a rockstar with reading the Book of Mormon lately. He is keeping me on track to finish by the end of the year.
• He narrates his life like he is in comic or cartoon often, like "I'll be there in three seconds...three seconds later, and I'm still not there." It cracks me up.
• He wants to be an astronaut or NASA engineer when he grows up.

William

• Though he puts up a little fight going to his zoom meetings, I think he has resigned that this is his life now, and he sits pretty well through them. He often does his zooms in the kitchen, so it is fun to watch him. He will often "pin" the video of his best friend, Luke, and just watch him. It's a little cute, and a little creepy...but it gets him to sit through class.
• He got his LionGaurd Halloween costume in the mail and he was SOOO excited and keeps putting it on and growling everywhere.
• He gives me daily hugs (and daily scowls.) I've noticed since being home so much, he has become more sensitive and open with his feelings. 
• He drags his feet for Morning Meeting, but gets so excited when we get done early so he can go play animals with Matthew.
• He wants to be a paleontologist when grows up.

Matthew

• This boy loves preschool! Every day he runs up the walkway and gives me the biggest hug.
• He loves playing card games and is always following me around with a deck of cards until I am able to sit down and play a game with him.
• I will someday miss when he is grown and I don't hear his constant sound effects.
• He still hates being left out, and whenever there is any door closed in the house, he will squirm his way in. When John and I went to walk the dog after a particularly long day, I turned around to Matthew clothed in his Spiderman costume, barefoot running after us with his arms spread out like he was coming in for a hug. To be clear, we had already walked four or five blocks. We waited as he determinedly made his way to us. It was too cute to be too upset.
• Yesterday he said he's really stressed out because he doesn't know who he is going to marry.
• When Matthew grows up, he wants to be a Dad. 

John Calhoun:

• Working tirelessly on Cars Changing Lives, helping families who need vehicles post fire.
• Excited about Pheasant hunting season. He has also driven us out to a few locations to track some elk as well
• Makes us watch live action Lion King scenes often, especially the song "Can You Feel the Love Tonight." 
• Anxiously weighing what to do for the next step of his career. 
• Is looking quite handsome these days.

Mary:

• Living for Friday night dates! My favorite weekly tradition.
• I feel like I am just getting the hang of PTO treasurer, which is a relief.
• My favorite parts of every day: the five minutes the house is clean, nightly walks with John, reading out loud to the kids, joking around during lunch breaks, and family dinner.
• I am starting to make really close friendships here in Jacksonville, and that helps me feel more settled. 
• Busy-ish with Primary stuff for church. It has been tricky navigating church service with Covid! It seems like little things go a long way. 

Morning Meeting

ALWAYS scrambling all over dad!

Matthew snapped this picture of me and he really, really loved it. So I'm going to include even though it's blurry and a little embarrassing.

Poor Matthew, always seems to bust his nose! 

Lunch Time!

The boys are always our climbing trees! Here is Johnny with his friends, McKay and Wallace.

William's Halloween costume came in the mail.

Matthew ALWAYS in his Spiderman Costume!

We had a Welcome October party on October 1st. We made cider, special graveyard pudding cups, and mummy dogs. Then we watched the Legend of Sleepy Hallow.

I cannot believe the comparison of my kids from FOUR years ago! The time just goes by so fast.

Perfect Saturday

Yesterday I woke up with a daunting to-do list. 

• Organize Meal Plan for Next Week
• Grocery Shop
• Hygiene Kits for Cate's YW Project
• Drop off Birthday gifts for Primary kids
• Send email for church
• Organize Activities for Primary kids
• Weed/Hack side yard
• Pay bills
• Replace Costco Card
• William's talk
• Mop Floors
• Michael's planner
• Organize garage
• Curb/street weeding
• Move dirt pile on gravel
• Fill up car
• Wash car
• Help John with Non-profit 
• John hunting

I mean...not a TON of things, but just enough that I knew it was going to be a busy day. I got to work, one thing at a time. I paid the bills, went for a run, then worked on the yard with John. It was so good to get dirt under my finger nails. We had blue skies for the first time in ten days and a healthy air quality. It was simply glorious to breathe deeply and enjoy the fall morning outside. I have to hand it to the kids they were such troopers doing yard work, I imagine it was probably a nice break after a week of School zooms! 

This video of Matthew weeding cracks me up!

William and I were also able to get his talk written and recorded for Primary. This was a major accomplishment. He did so well. He wrote about 75 percent of the talk, I mostly just did editing and I did plant the whole Lion King idea. I feel like I need to clarify that because once we got to reading the talk, he got a little nervous (since he is just learning to read), so you get to awkward whispering for the first page or so! 

He is just so sweet, and I love his Lion King obsession right now.

I slowly checked things off my list from there. Miraculously, we got everything done! By seven, we were dishing up pizza and tuning into the live-action Mulan. It felt so wonderful to relax after such a busy and productive day together. 

Filler Moments

 Mostly, I wanted to post the random pictures I took the last couple days that represent the happy moments. They were pictures I knew would not be the prettiest, but for how exhausted I feel from the past few days of fires, I love remembering all the happy moments that kept me fueled!

Matthew and Johnny talking at our morning meeting. 

Caity was pretty emotionally exhausted by the time Wednesday afternoon rolled around. A lot of crazy stuff had happened in twenty four hours! So while the boys played, she and I snuck away to watch "Once I was a Beehive" on my bed.

I loooove finding their left over play! (Also, I love seeing blue skies, I can't believe how smoky it has gotten in just 24 hours.)

I don't know why I took this picture, or why I'm including it here, but it made me happy in the moment and it makes me happy now. Honestly, it was probably classic mary taking the picture three seconds too late. I just love watching my kids interact, and be happy for eachother. Right here, Caity was on her way to her friend, Elise's house and Johnny was on his way to Truman's house.

Because our date night was cancelled, John commandeered dinner and confidently announced we were having Mac & Cheese, the box kind. There is a strange reverence around boxed Mac & Cheese in the Brassell family and it kind of cracks me up. I was so grateful because Friday night my cooking brain shuts off!  I loved watching the boys help dad! They watched Bambi, while I took Caity to her service project. It was a good night.

PEAR-fect Morning

 At 5:30 AM, I felt a little tap on my shoulder. Caity was fully dressed smiling at me. She excitedly whispered, "Time to get up, so we aren't late!" Her anticipation was a sweet wake up call.

Thirty minutes later, we walked the rows of our church's pear orchard with ladders in tow.
We watched the sun rise as we filled our picking-sacks. We got into a rhythm and when eight o'clock rolled around, Caity didn't want to leave.
To be honest, I was not looking forward to this little outing. It seemed exhausting, maybe even monotonous. However, there is something peaceful about working at the pear orchard, I soften and my busy mind rests. Every step I take up the ladder feels lighter. I physically see my surroundings more clearly the higher I go, and in turn; my mental view elevates as well. As I climbed up, then down, then up again; my thoughts meandered through memories of John and my newlywed days working, schooling, and parenting a baby Caity. My current problems and worries didn't feel so heavy in the context of my broadened viewpoint.

One pear at a time we filled our satchels, and one satchel at a time we filled the crates. One crate at a time will load semi-trucks, and one truck at a time will fill a warehouse. A warehouse of pears will become a warehouse of canned pears. Cases of canned pears will be distributed to needs around the world. One can at a time will reach the hands of someone who hopefully feels the love of those who picked the pears months before. Perhaps they will feel the sweet joy eating them that Cate and I felt gathering them.

I picked one pear at a time, but it wasn't lost on me the larger impact a small and simple act will have. What a beautiful metaphor for life.
It was a blessed way to start the day. To share it with Caity made it all the better.

Walking to School

Did you ever see a sweeter view? When all my kids are together, I just feel the happiness overflow!

A Busy September Schedule

Last week was exteremely difficult (as I have hinted previous blog posts.) At the time I just thought
it was the "new normal" and I would need to catch up. However, this week I am fully realizing the over size load I was carrying.
For the next six weeks, here is my week day schedule:

Monday
5:30 am- Running with Janel (We're training for a race in November)
7:15 am- Walk Kids to school (or have them take the bus....leave at the same time.)
9:00 am- 12:00 pm- Orenco Joy School
6-7:00 pm- Johnny Flag Football Practice.
7:30 pm- Family Home Evening

Tuesday
7:15 am- Walk Kids to School
5:30-6:30 pm- Kick it Soccer at the Stake Center for Caity, Johnny, & William. I coach Caity's team.
7:00 -8:15pm- Hillsboro Soccer for Caity

Wednesday
5:30 am- Running with Janel
7:15 am- Walk Kids to School
9-11:00 am- Noble Woods Co op Preschool
2-5:00 pm- Babysitting Co-op Shift
3:00 pm- Caity Piano Lesson
6-7:00 pm- Caity Activity Days at Church
6-7:00 pm- Johnny Flag Football Practice
7- 8:30 pm- Youth Group at Church

Thursday
7:15 am- Walk Kids to School.
9:00 am- 12:00 pm- Orenco Co-op Preschool
5:30-6:30 pm- Kick-It Soccer
7:00- 8:15 pm- Caity's League Soccer Practice.

Friday
SERIOUSLY NOTHING AND IT IS GLORIOUS.
Except Date Night...but that is glorious as well, so Friday is still coming in strong for me as an absolute favorite thing.

The first week of school it was like this fun party all this stuff to do. The second week was basically death. Ha ha. On top of everything on that list, we had four dentist appointments. *I*was the one hosting preschool (not to mention it was week one and kids were seriously crazy.) We had soccer team pictures and football team pictures. I was babysitting for a couple of friends for pockets during the week. Real coaching started at the Kick-it Soccer League. A Relief Society Activity. A PTO meeting. I was in charge of Mutual. Not to mention William's Birthday was approaching (I was pretty birthdayed out at this point!) I was teaching Young Women's at church. John worked until past eight every night to boot. I mean...of course I was exhausted!

I'm grateful it worked out that way though, because now this week feels like a breeze. I am naturally a homebody with my kids, so I am pretty proud of myself that I am getting everyone where they need to be so they can grow in the ways they need to grow. Busyness doesn't always equal productive, but I feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing and there is something peaceful and fulfilling in that.
I'm loving this September month...the cool, crisp nights, watching my kids practice sports with all the background noise of marching bands practicing, my kids chasing each other, cleats hitting the hard ground, and whistles blowing. Leaves float from the large trees and I aim my paths through crunchy walkways gathering acorns for Matthew. It makes me nostalgic for a moment I am currently living, what is that feeling even called? Maybe it's just called happy. It makes me happy.

Thank you September. You may get the better of me some days, but some day I'm going to be better for it. I feel that.

Little Snapshots

Well! Summer is in full swing around here! It has been a full time job getting a routine in motion and consistent. There has been (a lot of) push back, but I have stayed strong and it seems like each day goes smoother than the day before. I have to say, my very favorite a part of the day is about thirty minutes before dinner time. I review the day and think of all the good things we did together and accomplished.  The kids are always so happy at that time, and there is this strong sense of satisfaction in everyone's countenances. We've played hard, but we've also worked hard. It has been good. I have genuinely loved having the kids home for summer.

Today I had a thought. I realized I would miss little unexpected things about my life right now. It is weird stuff like how Johnny organizes his desk, or what Caity stores on top of her dresser for display, or seeing the kids' job charts on the walls with stickers and meticulously filled in boxes.

Just little things I see every day, but some day I won't. So I took some random pictures and here they are:

 The view from William's bed.

Matthew not wanting to do his jobs for the day.

William putting away stuffed animals in his closet.

The view from Caity and Matthew's bedroom door. Caity reading "The Great Brain."

The view sitting on Caity's bed, Matthew marking off his chart.

William marking off his chart (those little hands!)

Matthew so proud of himself that he actually did his jobs! (And the shoes, again- ha!)

Pictures from the Weekend

Prepare yourself for a lot blurry not so good pictures from a really perfect weekend. 

Nothing too spectacular, just a lot of happy moments.

At a friend's birthday party

At one of our favorite parks with friends!

 

So if you can't tell Matthew is terrified right now, I don't feel so bad- because I couldn't either! He was so brave. When I finally realized he was scared I stopped the wheel and grabbed him, and he just clung to me. Poor guy.

The kids have helium balloon races with dad.

We went for a walk at a nearby park on Sunday, just what I needed!