Magnatiles in the Entryway

How lucky are we to have the Rice boys living across the street??

On a particularly long day, I scurried around the kitchen cleaning and cooking. Accompanying me was the sounds of William and Grady playing with magnatiles. They just played quietly for about and hour and a half. It boosted my spirits, and took the pity out of my party. There's a lot of big and important moments I'm grateful I get to be home during the day, but it is these quiet and basic nuances that I will cherish most when I look back on my time with kids afoot!

Three Testimonies

This blog has become a special kind of record for my family. I have a journal I keep for my most personal thoughts, but I have found this little space has served a wonderful purpose. In its  short life, I have been able to praise God by recording snippets of our life, and acknowledge His hand in it all.  Older posts expressing testimony have served as a strength to me when I was struggling. For that purpose, I wanted to share three testimonies I have given the last couple weeks. This is a bit lengthy, but I think we're past apologies for my long-winded ways, are we not?

Primary

First is an excerpt from an email I sent to our ward's primary presidency. Primary is the children's organization. A presidency consists of a President, two counselors, and a secretary. The presidency focuses on many of the administration tasks of the children's organization, and sets the tone as we strive help children hear the voice of the spirit, feel Jesus' love for them, and understand their identity as children of God. We recently called two new counselors, and in a way it has been a fresh start.

Here is the excerpt:

"In risking this being the longest email ever, I wanted to share some of my own thoughts from this last week as this presidency is getting a reboot. Since being called back in February, I have often felt out of place and at time frustrated I couldn't get my life more organized to perform more efficiently as a president (especially since Covid-19 hit us about a month in!) This week as I've thought about us four serving together, I have felt such sincere love, appreciation, and hope. It is clear to me that God wants each of us here with our unique circumstance, perspective, history, current season of life, and talents and gifts. For me, that realization hit a new level. God knew I was in a busy season of my life. He knew that maybe in ten years, I would likely be more mentally available to go above and beyond in very natural and fulfilling ways. But He didn't call me ten years into the future, He called me for right now. He called me knowing there were more urgent priorities in my life than primary, and that is OK. I am not saying I should not strive to be better, but I realize rather than focusing on the energy I cannot seem to bring to the table, I need to be more bold on what I do bring. I love each child in this primary with my whole heart. They bring me joy. I feel such gratitude and compassion for our amazing teachers and leaders. I have a deep and personal relationship with my Savior and this work. I have a firm testimony, given by the Holy Ghost, that God is preparing these children for a special and divine work. Without knowing specifics, I feel the magnitude of what they were foreordained to do. It is humbling. This renewed conversion is helping me see truly how through small and simple contributions, the Lord will magnify each of us and great things will be brought to pass."

 And here are my primary age kids, for lack of a more fitting picture. BUT I LOVE THESE FOUR SO MUCH. My mom sewed these ties and this dress for my kids for Easter. 

Owning What I Believe

The second excerpt is from a conversation I had with a friend. This friend has been weighing different elements of her faith this last year. We have a close friendship, and I could empathize with all the information she was trying to sift through. The last couple weeks, she had hit a wall and after putting so many items on her mental shelf, the shelf broke. I received a text in Costco with her informing me she was taking a some steps back from church. My heart sank for a few reasons. Mostly, I felt the pain she must be feeling in her search for truth. I wasn't sure how to respond initially. I wanted her to know I loved her, felt the heaviness with her, respected her, and I also felt this distinct impression to share my testimony. I knew many of the elements she was weighing in on, and was worried about offending her. The spirit came swiftly and clearly, "Why do I have a testimony if not for a time such as this? Be bold, but not overbearing, to believe has been an incredible gift I do not want to take for granted." 

The following was my text:

"I meant what I said last week that I feel you are exactly what [is needed], where ever you're at. We haven't chatted in a while, I'd love to hear how re-centering on Christ and the new testament has gone. This can't be easy, I know you wouldn't step [take this step] unless you felt confident in the direction you are going, so of course as a friend I love and support every step of your journey. I do have a firm testimony of the gospel. Every part of it. From God and Jesus Christ appearing to Joseph Smith, to the temple and the power of covenants made there, to the understanding this church has given me of my Savior through the truths of modern revelation. I've worked hard for that testimony, and have gone through a refiner's fire to appreciate it. Naturally, I think "staying" is the right course for every single person, but I get we are all on a journey and I support you on yours. I can't imagine any of this is easy for you. Is there anything I can say at this point to get you hold on a little longer? 

Then later, "I love you too. And I know God loves you and you aren't alone as you sort through all this. I don't *know* everything, but that much I do. You are incredible and you have value. I'm here for you friend."

The biggest take away from this experience for me was the power of believing. Often, in striving to know all the secrets of the universe, I negate the beautiful strength and blessings faith gives me. For example, 

• I believe in priesthood authority, and I believe  the Temple is God's house, but I what I know is that God honors the covenants we make there because I've felt it firsthand, and I know priesthood power and authority has opened up heaven in a unique and direct way for me, personally.
• I believe in Joseph Smith's first vision, but I know when I pray to God about it, I feel peace and clarity. 
• I believe President Nelson is an ordained Prophet from God. I know, from experimenting on his direction, he prophecies truth that has brought my family and me closer to Jesus Christ. 
• I believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God, but I know that when I read it consistently, I feel more joy in my life and a broader context of what it means to be a child of God. 
• I believe Jesus Christ lived and died for us, but I know that when I have repented or sought comfort, I emerged a new creature. I would be foolish to claim it as anything short of a miracle.

God asks us to believe without seeing, we come to know firsthand through interactive experiences with the Holy Ghost. Though we enter the gate believing, once therein we come to sure knowledge as we experiment on that belief and seek a more true conversation. This is the power of faith, it's a beautiful weave of belief and knowledge. Some days my testimony feels quite obvious to me, other days I really have to seek answers and a deeper understanding to strengthen my conviction to what I believe and what I know. I am proud of what I know because it is a map of earnest desire to know my Savior, and fulfill my purpose in Him.

Brassell Book of Mormon Challenge

Last Sunday I woke up feeling strongly I needed to open my scriptures. I was reading about Christ appearing to the people in the Americas after His resurrection. I felt a warmth and peace that what I was reading was beautiful and a sent from God. I mourned briefly that our family had dropped the ball on Come Follow Me this year as our entire church has focused on studying the Book of Mormon. I remember thinking, "What a missed opportunity." Then swiftly, the Spirit impressed in my mind a memory. Two years ago, President Nelson challenged the women of the church to read the entire Book of Mormon by the end of the year. As if drawn out on a receipt, I recalled all the blessings I felt in our family's life as Cate and I accepted that invitation. I then felt all the blessings that would come to our family if we did this same exercise this year as an entire family. I thought of the challenges we would have, but was so eager for the blessings I felt God was promising. I weighed this in mind, then got on my knees seeking assurance that this was indeed an invitation from Heavenly Father, and not some vain imagination of a desperate women trying to overcompensate. I felt peace, confidence, and joy. I presented the idea to John, who also felt the Spirit in this unique and specific revelation. We had kinks to work out, but even as opposition arose in the execution of this plan, I felt more assurance that God was in the details of this undertaking.  It is amazing to me that when we act on promptings of the Holy Ghost in faith, how immediate some blessings come. Though it hasn't been easy-peezy every step of the way, it has been remarkable to see children more capable in their reading and comprehension, and see time open in up in my and John's schedule.  My testimony here is not about the Book of Mormon so much, as about personal revelation. More specifically, on Sunday, God revealed to me a direction specifically for our family to read the entire Book of Mormon by the end of 2020. I am grateful God doesn't leaving us guessing, but guides us on this journey. 

John reading scriptures with the younger boys.

How Things are Going

Yesterday I had to go to the elementary school for a PTO board meeting. It gave me just enough quiet time to evaluate how things are going two weeks into the school year. I feel like I am living in this in between space in which on one hand, I cannot ignore the very tough parts of my days. I am sometimes exhausted and unmotivated, emotionally-tug-o-warring my kids to endure their zoom meetings and school work. However, I feel like it would be equally false to sidestep the feelings of relief at small successes, and the divine boosts I've received mid-day.

Monday felt like it was 155 hours long. Tuesday was a miracle in which everyone had a "good" day. Wednesday there was a little conflict, but swift resolution. Thursday I gave up keeping everything in tact, and surprisingly to me; the world did not crash down. 

We've managed to have consistent "Morning Meetings" and consistent family dinners. For me, these daily traditions have established that, no matter what happens throughout the day; we are a family and we are here for each other. Starting the day with opening our scriptures, then ending the day sharing our best/worst parts of the day and laughing with each other while sharing a meal has provided life with that "spoon full of sugar to help the medicine go down." 

I imagine this is what life is, actually. Meaning, most days cannot be categorized into happy days or sad days, or good days or bad days, or chaotic days or peaceful days. Each day that we are gifted provides us experiences that layer richness in life. It is for us to choose how to consume and distribute what we are given in a day. For example, a good day is a day I choose to see progress and purpose, happy days are days I choose to be grateful, peaceful days are days I focus on Jesus Christ, my Savior.

So how are things going? Forward. I pray I can be present enough to appreciate each step (even if it's in hindsight!)

First Day of Pre-k for Matthew

 I was so grateful to find a preschool situation for Matthew this year!
With all the kids home, it has been so nice for him to have his own thing. I enjoy our drives to and from school so much. We borrowed a song from Sid the Science Kid and sing it on our way to preschool every day. It goes like this:

I love my mom, My mom is cool, but now, it's time to go to school!

I love you lots, you're my my favorite Matthew, and now, I'm going to miss you!

It makes me happy.

Now, queue all the pictures of Matthew where he basically looks the same unless your his mother and you love the small differences in every single one!

At a stop sign on our drive home. He asked me to take a picture of him being happy that he went to preschool even though he misses Miss Jenna.

Caity, the TWELVE year old

My sweet firstborn and only daughter turned twelve September 3rd. I feel like Caity's birthday is a double celebration for me personally, because it represents a major transition for me into motherhood. September 3, 2008 I looked into the most perfect, heavenly face I'd ever seen and felt such instant love and desire to protect her and give her all of me. Motherhood has been a journey, and what a blessing to have Caity on it every step of the way. 

I put some streamers up in Caity's bed, but I love that she created her own little throne! She bundled cozy and dove into her favorite Anne Shirley book.

Here's her table. Everyone got swedish fish and a cookies and cream candy bar.

Here she is reading her birthday cards.

For breakfast she had monkey bread and a "good" smoothie (meaning nothing green!) We sang her Happy Birthday as she blew out her breakfast candles.

She played board games with her brothers all morning, and enjoyed them being her servants for her special day.

For lunch she requested homemade mac and cheese, cucumbers, and ruffles chips.

We surprised Caity and took her to get her ears pierced! She was so excited and it was so fun shopping for new ear rings together. I loved sneaking away with just her and me and hanging out for a little bit.

When dad got home, we had lasagna, garlic bread, and salad. Then we blew out candles on her "Better than Anything Cake," and we went around the table sharing what we loved about Caity.

Brothers.

For her birthday she got homemade headbands and a statue from my parents, some money from John's parents, the Harry Potter train set, the Land of Stories series, pierced ears, and a camelbak for hiking, a planner from Karlie, roses from her dad, a book from Claire, and a gift card from Neenee.

She was pretty excited and surprised about the Lego set!

Then we watched Wizards of Waverly place and had a dance party, then called it day!

(Taking a picture of her earrings for family!)

This was a growing up birthday, I always said when she was twelve she could start wearing mascara, shave, and wear earrings and weirdly she is here and it is happening and on one end it all seems so natural, and on the other it's so heartbreaking that time goes by so so quickly. Since this is the year she would turn twelve she got to start into the youth program at our church and that has been a a fun transition for us.

Dear Caity,

I just love you. I have so much fun spending time together and sharing interests with you. I love that we have a lot of the same favorite books and movies. I love when we look over the boys' heads and can read each other's minds. I'm grateful you enable my chocolate chip cookie addiction and how you appreciate being home as much as I do. It is a beautiful thing to share life with a daughter, and I feel God's love through you. You are bright, kind, wise, beautiful, and thoughtful. You are an advocate, a nurturer, a competitor, and an observer. Your talents amaze me, and even more your desire to use your talents to serve others. When I am with you, I feel happy.

I am so proud of you, sweet daughter.

Mom

 

Wills Turns Seven

William is seven! I feel like seven is the hardest age for me because it seems so much more grown up than six. With that said, this was one of my favorite birthdays as a mom. It was just a FUN day and William was excited about every single detail!

William wanted a Lion Gaurd cake with some Pokemon decorations. The night before his birthday he helped me bake the cake and I decorated it when he went to bed. 

On everyone's place was: Pokemon cards, smores poptarts, gum, and LionGaurd stickers.

I told him if he went to sleep super fast, I would leave a present on his bed for him to wake up to. He woke up to a stuffed Simba, and boy was he excited! I woke him up singing Happy Birthday and he smiled so big before his eyes even opened.

I mean, look at that face!!

We had cinnamon rolls and vanilla milk for breakfast, having him blow out a candle on his cinnamon roll. We read his birthday cards and a I read all the things people loved about him he nodded matter-of-factly: "That's true, that's true, yes, I am." He wasn't bragging, he just genuinely believed every good things others shared. It cracked me up, but also made me happy he has so much confidence.

I decorated his bedroom wall, and school area with LionGaurd stickers. His teacher sent home a birthday crown and gift bag for him. His class sang him Happy Birthday.

During his break and while Matthew was in preschool, Johnny and I took William to spend his birthday money from Mamaw and Papa Brassell. He bought a stuffed Nala, to fight his Simba, a sticky hand, and crabby patty gummies. He was a happy boy.

On the drive home I watched in the rearview mirror William lovingly kiss the foreheads of Nala and Simba. He carried them everywhere under the crooks of his arms. It was so cute.

For lunch he requested homemade rolls, Frito twists, caramel rice cakes, and watermelon.

After school, we had the Cummings over for cupcakes and playdate. They brought him some helium balloons and treats. After the Cummings left, we had the Rices over for more cupcakes and more playing. William told me he loved every single time we sang Happy Birthday.

For dinner, William chose pancakes, fruit, bacon, and orange julius.

We sang him Happy Birthday a fifth time for the day, then immediately cleaned the LionGaurd figurines William had been anxiously waiting to play with.

For his birthday, William got a couple hot wheels cars, a ninjago lego set, and large lion and triceratops figurines he had his eye on. (He lost his mind when he realized he got both!) William plays with animal figurines all the time, so this upped his game play quite a bit.

From Grandma and Grandpa Brassell he got mini animal figures, and a lego shark/squid.

I just love how excited he is! 

We decided to postpone cake because of all the sweets we had already. William commanded us all to then watch Lion King 2. 

It was such a fun way to end the day.

He was tuckered out and fell asleep pretty quick once he surrendered that his birthday was really over! I love how he positioned Nala and Simba right here, haha!

Dear William, 

I am so happy to be your mom. You make me laugh and you give the sweetest hugs. I love how to try to make me feel special every day. You are growing up and you work so hard trying to make good choices. I love watching you learn and grow as you understand the world around you more. You are an artist and so creative in how you play with your toys. You have awesome dance moves! I think it is awesome how brave and daring you are! (Even if it freaks me out a little bit sometimes.) I love how much you love running and jumping and feeling the wind on your face. I am so grateful to have such a confident little boy that knows who he is. Dad and I smile so big every time we talk about you. We love you so much!
Happy 7th Birthday, Son.

Love, Mom

Perfect Saturday

Yesterday I woke up with a daunting to-do list. 

• Organize Meal Plan for Next Week
• Grocery Shop
• Hygiene Kits for Cate's YW Project
• Drop off Birthday gifts for Primary kids
• Send email for church
• Organize Activities for Primary kids
• Weed/Hack side yard
• Pay bills
• Replace Costco Card
• William's talk
• Mop Floors
• Michael's planner
• Organize garage
• Curb/street weeding
• Move dirt pile on gravel
• Fill up car
• Wash car
• Help John with Non-profit 
• John hunting

I mean...not a TON of things, but just enough that I knew it was going to be a busy day. I got to work, one thing at a time. I paid the bills, went for a run, then worked on the yard with John. It was so good to get dirt under my finger nails. We had blue skies for the first time in ten days and a healthy air quality. It was simply glorious to breathe deeply and enjoy the fall morning outside. I have to hand it to the kids they were such troopers doing yard work, I imagine it was probably a nice break after a week of School zooms! 

This video of Matthew weeding cracks me up!

William and I were also able to get his talk written and recorded for Primary. This was a major accomplishment. He did so well. He wrote about 75 percent of the talk, I mostly just did editing and I did plant the whole Lion King idea. I feel like I need to clarify that because once we got to reading the talk, he got a little nervous (since he is just learning to read), so you get to awkward whispering for the first page or so! 

He is just so sweet, and I love his Lion King obsession right now.

I slowly checked things off my list from there. Miraculously, we got everything done! By seven, we were dishing up pizza and tuning into the live-action Mulan. It felt so wonderful to relax after such a busy and productive day together. 

Medford Fires 2020

 What a week.

I feel like our first day of school was two weeks ago! The fires, as close as they were to our home, created a time warp of uncertainty. It was heartbreaking hearing every hour or so of someone losing their home. I believe the current number is 600 homes. Coaches, teammates, coworkers, members of our church, friends and family of friends. Simply put: it's devastating. The smoke levels are so bad, we are unable to see clearly. In turn it all seems like this alternate reality, where I know people need help but I can't see them and it makes it hard for me to mentally reach them. I don't know, I guess it is hard to explain. 

The strange thing about fires is the moment of relief when fires are contained is so short, as we realize the work is only beginning. I guess it worries and overwhelms my heart that has a tendency to over-feel things. I am earnestly trying to let go of the heaviness since feeling for people doesn't accomplish as much as doing for people. I know I need to strike a better balance here. I am so impressed and grateful for people who seem to find needs and organize efforts. I am grateful, because where it's so smoky outside, it feels so smoky inside as well, so their efforts help me see the next step. 

It looks like school will commence once again on Monday (after being canceled for this week.) I'm looking outside at the pink glow that has become the norm for what feels like forever but has really only been 48 hours. The smoke gives me stomach pains, and headaches. I am grateful for a home that protects my family from the physical elements and humbled by a home that serves as a spiritual haven.

There are still fires un-contained all along the west coast. Shady Cove (where we floated the river Monday), is currently evacuated. I suppose the best step at this point is to hit my knees and pray. Pray, not only for the firefighters and the people fleeing their homes, but for clarity to know where to step in. Then, I need to expect and answer and get to work, one small and simple thing at a time. 

A lot of feelings over here today. I mostly just wanted to capture where I am at in real time. Thank you for listening.

These pictures were taken at 1:00pm on my way home from a friend's house yesterday. It was 98 degrees. It looks like early morning crisp with fog. Crazy.

Caity's friend, Claire, helped organized a Young Women's project where they made over 120 hygiene kits for displaced women!

Again, this is so crazy because 24 hours ago, at this exact time, it was sunny and bright and blue skies, and here it looks like late evening.