Three Testimonies

This blog has become a special kind of record for my family. I have a journal I keep for my most personal thoughts, but I have found this little space has served a wonderful purpose. In its  short life, I have been able to praise God by recording snippets of our life, and acknowledge His hand in it all.  Older posts expressing testimony have served as a strength to me when I was struggling. For that purpose, I wanted to share three testimonies I have given the last couple weeks. This is a bit lengthy, but I think we're past apologies for my long-winded ways, are we not?

Primary

First is an excerpt from an email I sent to our ward's primary presidency. Primary is the children's organization. A presidency consists of a President, two counselors, and a secretary. The presidency focuses on many of the administration tasks of the children's organization, and sets the tone as we strive help children hear the voice of the spirit, feel Jesus' love for them, and understand their identity as children of God. We recently called two new counselors, and in a way it has been a fresh start.

Here is the excerpt:

"In risking this being the longest email ever, I wanted to share some of my own thoughts from this last week as this presidency is getting a reboot. Since being called back in February, I have often felt out of place and at time frustrated I couldn't get my life more organized to perform more efficiently as a president (especially since Covid-19 hit us about a month in!) This week as I've thought about us four serving together, I have felt such sincere love, appreciation, and hope. It is clear to me that God wants each of us here with our unique circumstance, perspective, history, current season of life, and talents and gifts. For me, that realization hit a new level. God knew I was in a busy season of my life. He knew that maybe in ten years, I would likely be more mentally available to go above and beyond in very natural and fulfilling ways. But He didn't call me ten years into the future, He called me for right now. He called me knowing there were more urgent priorities in my life than primary, and that is OK. I am not saying I should not strive to be better, but I realize rather than focusing on the energy I cannot seem to bring to the table, I need to be more bold on what I do bring. I love each child in this primary with my whole heart. They bring me joy. I feel such gratitude and compassion for our amazing teachers and leaders. I have a deep and personal relationship with my Savior and this work. I have a firm testimony, given by the Holy Ghost, that God is preparing these children for a special and divine work. Without knowing specifics, I feel the magnitude of what they were foreordained to do. It is humbling. This renewed conversion is helping me see truly how through small and simple contributions, the Lord will magnify each of us and great things will be brought to pass."

 And here are my primary age kids, for lack of a more fitting picture. BUT I LOVE THESE FOUR SO MUCH. My mom sewed these ties and this dress for my kids for Easter. 

Owning What I Believe

The second excerpt is from a conversation I had with a friend. This friend has been weighing different elements of her faith this last year. We have a close friendship, and I could empathize with all the information she was trying to sift through. The last couple weeks, she had hit a wall and after putting so many items on her mental shelf, the shelf broke. I received a text in Costco with her informing me she was taking a some steps back from church. My heart sank for a few reasons. Mostly, I felt the pain she must be feeling in her search for truth. I wasn't sure how to respond initially. I wanted her to know I loved her, felt the heaviness with her, respected her, and I also felt this distinct impression to share my testimony. I knew many of the elements she was weighing in on, and was worried about offending her. The spirit came swiftly and clearly, "Why do I have a testimony if not for a time such as this? Be bold, but not overbearing, to believe has been an incredible gift I do not want to take for granted." 

The following was my text:

"I meant what I said last week that I feel you are exactly what [is needed], where ever you're at. We haven't chatted in a while, I'd love to hear how re-centering on Christ and the new testament has gone. This can't be easy, I know you wouldn't step [take this step] unless you felt confident in the direction you are going, so of course as a friend I love and support every step of your journey. I do have a firm testimony of the gospel. Every part of it. From God and Jesus Christ appearing to Joseph Smith, to the temple and the power of covenants made there, to the understanding this church has given me of my Savior through the truths of modern revelation. I've worked hard for that testimony, and have gone through a refiner's fire to appreciate it. Naturally, I think "staying" is the right course for every single person, but I get we are all on a journey and I support you on yours. I can't imagine any of this is easy for you. Is there anything I can say at this point to get you hold on a little longer? 

Then later, "I love you too. And I know God loves you and you aren't alone as you sort through all this. I don't *know* everything, but that much I do. You are incredible and you have value. I'm here for you friend."

The biggest take away from this experience for me was the power of believing. Often, in striving to know all the secrets of the universe, I negate the beautiful strength and blessings faith gives me. For example, 

• I believe in priesthood authority, and I believe  the Temple is God's house, but I what I know is that God honors the covenants we make there because I've felt it firsthand, and I know priesthood power and authority has opened up heaven in a unique and direct way for me, personally.
• I believe in Joseph Smith's first vision, but I know when I pray to God about it, I feel peace and clarity. 
• I believe President Nelson is an ordained Prophet from God. I know, from experimenting on his direction, he prophecies truth that has brought my family and me closer to Jesus Christ. 
• I believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God, but I know that when I read it consistently, I feel more joy in my life and a broader context of what it means to be a child of God. 
• I believe Jesus Christ lived and died for us, but I know that when I have repented or sought comfort, I emerged a new creature. I would be foolish to claim it as anything short of a miracle.

God asks us to believe without seeing, we come to know firsthand through interactive experiences with the Holy Ghost. Though we enter the gate believing, once therein we come to sure knowledge as we experiment on that belief and seek a more true conversation. This is the power of faith, it's a beautiful weave of belief and knowledge. Some days my testimony feels quite obvious to me, other days I really have to seek answers and a deeper understanding to strengthen my conviction to what I believe and what I know. I am proud of what I know because it is a map of earnest desire to know my Savior, and fulfill my purpose in Him.

Brassell Book of Mormon Challenge

Last Sunday I woke up feeling strongly I needed to open my scriptures. I was reading about Christ appearing to the people in the Americas after His resurrection. I felt a warmth and peace that what I was reading was beautiful and a sent from God. I mourned briefly that our family had dropped the ball on Come Follow Me this year as our entire church has focused on studying the Book of Mormon. I remember thinking, "What a missed opportunity." Then swiftly, the Spirit impressed in my mind a memory. Two years ago, President Nelson challenged the women of the church to read the entire Book of Mormon by the end of the year. As if drawn out on a receipt, I recalled all the blessings I felt in our family's life as Cate and I accepted that invitation. I then felt all the blessings that would come to our family if we did this same exercise this year as an entire family. I thought of the challenges we would have, but was so eager for the blessings I felt God was promising. I weighed this in mind, then got on my knees seeking assurance that this was indeed an invitation from Heavenly Father, and not some vain imagination of a desperate women trying to overcompensate. I felt peace, confidence, and joy. I presented the idea to John, who also felt the Spirit in this unique and specific revelation. We had kinks to work out, but even as opposition arose in the execution of this plan, I felt more assurance that God was in the details of this undertaking.  It is amazing to me that when we act on promptings of the Holy Ghost in faith, how immediate some blessings come. Though it hasn't been easy-peezy every step of the way, it has been remarkable to see children more capable in their reading and comprehension, and see time open in up in my and John's schedule.  My testimony here is not about the Book of Mormon so much, as about personal revelation. More specifically, on Sunday, God revealed to me a direction specifically for our family to read the entire Book of Mormon by the end of 2020. I am grateful God doesn't leaving us guessing, but guides us on this journey. 

John reading scriptures with the younger boys.