Hikes, School Supplies, & Drives

To be quite honest, I am in a bit of an emotional slump.
It's not that I'm not happy, because when I think about it logically, I most definitely am. I imagine there are nerves at play in my mind as the new school year approaches, and I overthink how long this Covid-19 business has gone on and will go on. Perhaps all the ups and downs stock pile and neutralize my heart so it feels a little emotion-dead.  And yet, like an emotional defibrillator there are experiences throughout my day shocking the numbness, helping me feel what is "real" around me.

This morning John and I shook all our kids out of bed (except Johnny, the early riser) to go on a family hike. It was crisp air and lush scenery. Leaves were already turning color, and they displayed quite the sunset under our feet. I held Matthew's hand as we tried to outrun the others. Caity kept William motivated with her magical sister ways I can only admire. At the top of the trail, Johnny, John and I sat overlooking the beautiful valley and my heart felt content. The sun hit the hills of trees in a way I don't experience in our evening hikes, and it was like seeing the view for the first time. I didn't have words, so I just gave John's hand an extra squeeze.

I took the kids shopping for school supplies this afternoon. It makes me smile now, remembering the chaos. Hopefully this indicates it wasn't quite as bad as it felt in the moment. I optimistically brought masked, hungry children into a busy store. If they weren't overwhelmed between which composition notebook to choose, they were arguing over who got to push the cart (even though Mom reminded them multiple times, only Mom pushes the cart.) Even on the craziest of outings, those kids make for a good time. It is with great pride Johnny will show you his shark folder, and William his red notebook. There is something about new school supplies that feels like a field of sunflowers for me. I drove a van full of happy campers home from Walmart, that's for sure.

John and I snuck away to pick up a gutter for some camper re-construction project. We drove through those old country roads that bring me life. Grapes were ripening on vines, farmers were bailing hay, "hemp" was growing up in rows, and John was trying to sell me on a country song playing on the radio. I love making John laugh and I got a couple good chuckles out of him today. When I'm driving with John I don't have to worry about anything, I just feel like myself. Laughing together with the wind rushing through my fingers grounded me in a very happy and infinite memory.

In time I will feel like myself again. For now, I will ride this out collecting those sweet moments that remind me that I am still very much alive, valued, and yes; happy.

They looooove their dog! Hahaha!